Dealing with everything from stress to finance, these are our top tips to help you cope with divorce and separation before you even think about speaking a family solicitor.
Keep calm and carry on
It is almost inevitable that going through a divorce will be stressful so you should always make sure to put your emotional wellbeing first. It is more than likely that emotional strain within the marriage has forced you into this situation but if you can stay in a relatively positive place within yourself then everything else should eventually follow.
When marriages come to an end there is usually a great deal of change regarding lifestyle, friends, home, family and everything that would usually make us feel safe.
Society places a great deal of weight on the idea of identity and how it is created by these external elements. This identity we are told should in turn govern our self-worth. It’s no wonder then that so many of us feel desolate when faced with losing everything that we have built around us. Deep down though we are still as much ourselves with or without these things. In fact by shedding the negative aspects your life you have made a great stride in becoming stronger and truer to yourself.
At the same time it is important to accept that these feeling are natural and it is perfectly acceptable to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. These things take time so be patient with yourself. Identify and acknowledge these feelings without judging them. While these emotions can be painful trying to suppress or ignore them will only make them grow.
It’s good to talk
Letting your friends and family know that you are struggling during the divorce process can help you get through this period and remind you that you are not alone. If you feel you need for that bit of extra support in moving on consider speaking with a therapist. They’re not just for crazy people and they don’t bite!
Even if you don’t feel like talking you can still let off steam by keeping a diary. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, make you prone to illness, stop you concentrating and damage your relationships. There is no better time to explore new interests and pursue new activities.
In these situations nothing is more tempting than ruminating on past negative situations and ascribing blame. While there is an undeniable short term satisfaction to this it will ultimately keep you trapped in bitterness and unable to move forward with your life. What has happened, happened in the past and that is where it is going to stay.
Sorting out money can be one of the most daunting parts of separation and divorce but knowing your financial situation is critical securing a fair deal for yourself in the division of assets. You should start gathering all of your financial records as soon as possible. Having the information all together will save you a lot of time and money.
Go through your home and make copies of everything relating to finance. This can include bank statements, life insurance policies, mortgage documents, credit card statements, financial statements, and Wills.
You should also make a complete list of household and family possessions as well as household expenses and budget. If you have outstanding debts consider repaying then before the divorce. Negotiations over marital debts can be the most bitter.
The more evidence that your divorce lawyer has, the more he or she will be able to help you to secure what is rightfully yours when you split your finances. Being on top of the paperwork will greatly reduce much of the stress of the divorce procedure, as it helps you to feel in control of the situation.
Don’t go it alone
Divorce can turn your world upside down particularly if there are children involved. If are willing to plan ahead and think things through it can also be a fruitful process and an incredible learning experience. Many people who have gone through the process gain true independence for the first time in their lives.
Whether they have gone through a divorce previously or not, most people are already aware what a dangerous exercise it can be if you are unwilling to instruct a legal professional. There is so much at stake financially and emotionally that most people find themselves tied up in knots sooner or later.
It is extremely important at times like these to have a trusted guiding hand. To speak to one of our family experts today call us on 0191 284 0363 or send us a message by clicking here.
Recommended reading for coping with divorce:
Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You Paperback – 5 May 2009 by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd
Moving on: Breaking Up without Breaking Down (Relate Relationships) Paperback – 2 Aug 2001 by Suzie Hayman
You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce or Death – 4 Feb 2014 by Louise Hay and David Kessler